Stepping into the unknown

It frustrates me to no end when something simple can’t be done. Especially, when it comes to my children.

I make it simple for everyone, especially those entrusted with their care at school. I send any and all food they need, I give out my phone number just in case there are ANY questions regarding food or anything else for that matter. Not to mention, they have someone IN THE BUILDING that knows the answers to any of said questions…my mom! What more can I do?!

Luke had a follow-up at the doctor’s today. He said that food is still the reason Luke is having problems and until I can control what he gets completely, he’s still going to struggle.

So, it looks like I have no other option but to medicate him. Because I CAN’T depend on anyone else at the school to understand or follow these simple rules. I have to give him chemicals to “help him” because they can’t follow directions. And these are the ones I’m entrusting with my children all day?! Seriously? I understand misreading labels, it’s happened to me before. But when you hand a dairy and wheat intolerant child an ice cream bar….please.

I’ve been praying on this, praying really, really, really, times infinity(!) hard on this. And I’m pretty sure Joe and I have come to a conclusion. We will give Luke the medication he needs to get him through the rest of this year. I will talk again with his teachers to remind them they are not to eat ANYTHING THAT I DON’T SEND!

And then next year we will enter into a world that scares me to pieces. But I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed on.

Homeschool.

It would take a book to hold all of the doubts, reasons not to, and fears I have about homeschooling. If you can ask it, I have already thought it in my mind. The time, the patience, the organization for Pete's Sake!!!

But how can I know there is another path, and not take it? When you feel as pushed as I do to get them out of public school as I am, you know you have to listen to Him. Because God’s the only one who I’ll trust to lead me there and through it. This is not some rash decision made out of frustration, it’s been a heavy thought of mine for quite some time.

Now, I'm not ignorant enough to think it's going to be easy. Aside from being a parent, this will probably be one of the biggest challenges I face.  Not only will I have to teach myself something people go to college for, it will change each year and I will be facing children who have special needs. I am still actively exploring what will best help the boys, be it just different teaching methods or a combination of multiple things. But I know that whatever I end up doing, it needs to have their best interest in mine. My comfort zone be damned. Their lives literally depend on it.

I realize, I'm an art major, not a teacher. But I have the time, I have the resources and it's ultimately my responsibility to educate and care for them. It's a daunting task, but I'm not going it alone, so it will be ok. God said so.

I heard once that the more right something is, the harder the devil works to make you doubt it's possibility of completion. And I have been through the ringer on this subject.

Luckily, I have the best husband in the world. And only through his support could I even attempt to do this. Not to mention, I've got the biggest thing in eternity, God. It's promised that He's got my back, so if this is what He wants me to do, I'll walk with the faith of a mustard seed.